go down and down
it will be changed
my loves remember me
they stand like flowers heads thrown back to meet
and stand strong wiry arm in arm
we won't let anyone hurt you
call all the dreams down
remember
you are jane and jane is you
it stranges
come then
what has happened?
i want a truth
stand in humility and shame over not being fine, fly, equipped
loved
bathed in approbation
envy
i never seek it because i don't trust it instinctively
i shrug it off
bite the hand that wants to pat me
it is like slinking around the doorways and being angry when the policeman thinks i'm shady
why am i slinking in the first place? because they took me for no reason
nothing to articulate
power
arm like a vise on mine
authority and uniforms guns and handcuffs
then a locked door
why?
nothing was said or asked
emotion - tears - a female not responding to questions
a female being female, small, shrinking and not asserting yet denying you attention
crying while female
yelling while female
being clothed while female
being female while female
there is no answer
white teeth
small bones
a dress i liked loose hippie dress billowing
my underclothes become a curiosity because female
everything conspires to direct me to
because female
my father the voice of authority and maleness though my mother gripped my arm
he legitimized it to the cops
just because male
a deeper voice and not excited
this is all
the smiling white teeth this time
the violence in that smile
likely mafioso
the din of the city construction cranes and garbage trucks
some kindness, gratitude to bodega guy who smiled and took care with my tea
such little things
over so quickly
the storm crested and broke in two
lightning and rainbow at once
